Category: Featured Bloggers

Here’s the One Thing You Must Do If Your Spouse Is Cheating

Have you reached a point in your marriage where you suspect something shady’s going on but you’re not sure? Now, you simply have to know what’s really going on? Like I always say, “You cannot conquer that which you will not confront.” So, in this article that is part of chapter four (Confront & Conquer) Keep Reading →

How Can I Tell if My Boyfriend is Insecure or Secure About Our Relationship?

Dear Dr. Buckingham, I have been dating this guy for a few years now and I am wondering if he is right for me. I want to be in a committed relationship and eventually get married one day. We have fun together and like to do a lot of the same things, but he never Keep Reading →

Truth Bomb: The “Spirit of Girlfriend” Isn’t The Reason Why You’re Still Single

R&B superstar Ciara ignited a Twitter firestorm when she retweeted a meme featuring a clip of Pastor John Gray’s 2016 message to single women about why marriage is elusive for them. In this message, he insinuated that if a man hasn’t put a ring on it yet, it’s because you’re walking in the “spirit of Keep Reading →

A NEGRO ELEGY FOR MO’NIQUE

To all the fellas going hard against Mo’Nique, let me give you an analogy that might help because sometimes us men can’t see anything that hurts women unless it’s ultimately about us.
Once upon a time, there was a black boy who was poor and did some bad things, bullying people around, using drugs maybe even selling loose cigarettes. He was not a perfect person, maybe not even a good one on balance.
One day a white cop shot him to death while he was unarmed and quick as a flash, people tried to justify the shooting and mollify the outrage by saying the black boy had done all those aforementioned bad things, that he was a bad man, a less than perfect person, which when coupled with blackness and maleness meant he deserved to be shot down like a dog.
You knew this was wrong, so you called out the public enablers. You said a person should know to separate personal flaws from criminal culpability and deadly force. And you were right.
Then a black woman who has said a lot of unpopular and even unfair things, another less than perfect person, is offered a lowball wage for her talent. A far cry from murder but the functional business equivalent of being shot down. And quick as a flash, you use all her lack of perfection to justify and mollify the actions of the institution that you know full well does not see black women as equals.
But now you don’t see how anyone can separate the woman’s personal flaws from the consideration of her talent. You are not the cop with the gun, you are the public enablers you once condemned using their same twisted logic.
Racism is a vile thing. It’s not just about color. It is also about psychological and emotional perception. Sadly, inside our culture, we practice many of the customs of the oppressor, who left his mark on our brains and our hearts. This is one of them, treating black women like American society treats us all. And some of you have been so petty and mean, that you belie the logic you try to state, your undertone is so ugly, you sound like Mister yelling at Celie “You black, you ugly, you a woman!”
Don’t get me wrong, I have the same bad notions. I’m just as imperfect as Mo’Nique and that black boy. I have just worn these negative tendencies down to the point where they can be defeated by my eternal hero– intellect.
Some of you are going to want to argue with this. You gonna whine, “It’s not the same. Unfair analogy! Whaaaaa.” Then you will point out once again Mo’Nique’s personality, big mouth, bad business acumen and the like, but all you will be doing is missing the point and proving it at the same time. All you will be doing is showing your lack of an eternal hero.
Instead of this folly, just take it to heart, think about it, and know it was said in the spirit of helping.
In the meantime, as to that disabling mentality we have, that sound you hear is not a bell, it’s a spoon on the rim of a teacup. But it is not the boss of you.
Get real.
Get smart.
GET OUT.
Right now.



COPYRIGHT ©2018


A NEGRO ELEGY FOR MO’NIQUE

To all the fellas going hard against Mo’Nique, let me give you an analogy that might help because sometimes us men can’t see anything that hurts women unless it’s ultimately about us.
Once upon a time, there was a black boy who was poor and did some bad things, bullying people around, using drugs maybe even selling loose cigarettes. He was not a perfect person, maybe not even a good one on balance.
One day a white cop shot him to death while he was unarmed and quick as a flash, people tried to justify the shooting and mollify the outrage by saying the black boy had done all those aforementioned bad things, that he was a bad man, a less than perfect person, which when coupled with blackness and maleness meant he deserved to be shot down like a dog.
You knew this was wrong, so you called out the public enablers. You said a person should know to separate personal flaws from criminal culpability and deadly force. And you were right.
Then a black woman who has said a lot of unpopular and even unfair things, another less than perfect person, is offered a lowball wage for her talent. A far cry from murder but the functional business equivalent of being shot down. And quick as a flash, you use all her lack of perfection to justify and mollify the actions of the institution that you know full well does not see black women as equals.
But now you don’t see how anyone can separate the woman’s personal flaws from the consideration of her talent. You are not the cop with the gun, you are the public enablers you once condemned using their same twisted logic.
Racism is a vile thing. It’s not just about color. It is also about psychological and emotional perception. Sadly, inside our culture, we practice many of the customs of the oppressor, who left his mark on our brains and our hearts. This is one of them, treating black women like American society treats us all. And some of you have been so petty and mean, that you belie the logic you try to state, your undertone is so ugly, you sound like Mister yelling at Celie “You black, you ugly, you a woman!”
Don’t get me wrong, I have the same bad notions. I’m just as imperfect as Mo’Nique and that black boy. I have just worn these negative tendencies down to the point where they can be defeated by my eternal hero– intellect.
Some of you are going to want to argue with this. You gonna whine, “It’s not the same. Unfair analogy! Whaaaaa.” Then you will point out once again Mo’Nique’s personality, big mouth, bad business acumen and the like, but all you will be doing is missing the point and proving it at the same time. All you will be doing is showing your lack of an eternal hero.
Instead of this folly, just take it to heart, think about it, and know it was said in the spirit of helping.
In the meantime, as to that disabling mentality we have, that sound you hear is not a bell, it’s a spoon on the rim of a teacup. But it is not the boss of you.
Get real.
Get smart.
GET OUT.
Right now.



COPYRIGHT ©2018


A NEGRO ELEGY FOR MO’NIQUE

To all the fellas going hard against Mo’Nique, let me give you an analogy that might help because sometimes us men can’t see anything that hurts women unless it’s ultimately about us.
Once upon a time, there was a black boy who was poor and did some bad things, bullying people around, using drugs maybe even selling loose cigarettes. He was not a perfect person, maybe not even a good one on balance.
One day a white cop shot him to death while he was unarmed and quick as a flash, people tried to justify the shooting and mollify the outrage by saying the black boy had done all those aforementioned bad things, that he was a bad man, a less than perfect person, which when coupled with blackness and maleness meant he deserved to be shot down like a dog.
You knew this was wrong, so you called out the public enablers. You said a person should know to separate personal flaws from criminal culpability and deadly force. And you were right.
Then a black woman who has said a lot of unpopular and even unfair things, another less than perfect person, is offered a lowball wage for her talent. A far cry from murder but the functional business equivalent of being shot down. And quick as a flash, you use all her lack of perfection to justify and mollify the actions of the institution that you know full well does not see black women as equals.
But now you don’t see how anyone can separate the woman’s personal flaws from the consideration of her talent. You are not the cop with the gun, you are the public enablers you once condemned using their same twisted logic.
Racism is a vile thing. It’s not just about color. It is also about psychological and emotional perception. Sadly, inside our culture, we practice many of the customs of the oppressor, who left his mark on our brains and our hearts. This is one of them, treating black women like American society treats us all. And some of you have been so petty and mean, that you belie the logic you try to state, your undertone is so ugly, you sound like Mister yelling at Celie “You black, you ugly, you a woman!”
Don’t get me wrong, I have the same bad notions. I’m just as imperfect as Mo’Nique and that black boy. I have just worn these negative tendencies down to the point where they can be defeated by my eternal hero– intellect.
Some of you are going to want to argue with this. You gonna whine, “It’s not the same. Unfair analogy! Whaaaaa.” Then you will point out once again Mo’Nique’s personality, big mouth, bad business acumen and the like, but all you will be doing is missing the point and proving it at the same time. All you will be doing is showing your lack of an eternal hero.
Instead of this folly, just take it to heart, think about it, and know it was said in the spirit of helping.
In the meantime, as to that disabling mentality we have, that sound you hear is not a bell, it’s a spoon on the rim of a teacup. But it is not the boss of you.
Get real.
Get smart.
GET OUT.
Right now.



COPYRIGHT ©2018


3 Crazy Things People Do to Solve Their Marriage Problems and Why They Won’t Work

At the beginning of a marriage, many couples take time out to celebrate the start of their lifetime journey by heading off on a traditional vacation called a honeymoon. It is a time for them to strengthen their relationship and establish a strong physical bond. The time is private, intimate, and purposefully special. Eventually, however, Keep Reading →

Financial Intimacy: Key Questions You Must Ask Before You Tie the Knot

I spent the majority of my twenties and the early part of my thirties scratching and clawing my way out of student loan debt, establishing my financial priorities, and aligning my spending with my values. So, when I started dating and being receptive to sharing my life with someone, I knew, for sure, that I needed a spouse Keep Reading →

3 Times In Dating When You Shouldn’t Trust Your Gut and What To Do Instead)

You meet a guy who’s great on paper and things are going well. He’s handsome, has a stable job, and by all accounts, seems like someone who has potential to be a great partner. You should be happy, but you can’t ignore this nagging feeling in your gut that makes you wonder if you can trust him. Is Keep Reading →

Amazon HQ2 vs Detroit Part 2…

Detroit2This is part 2 of Amazon HQ2 vs Detroit. In short, my recap is centered around Detroit not making the cut, and the “real” reasons why. I’m not going to throw in some conspiracy theory as to why it didn’t make it, but rather, state the truth, and pull facts with supporting data when I can. This is not about blowing smoke up Detroit’s butt, I’m going to analyze all points taken in, and arrive with my own conclusions. I addressed the public transportation issue in the metro area of Detroit, and it roots in racism. But, before we continue, let’s look at Amazon’s criteria, and see how Detroit really stacks up.

My Fiancé is Introverted and I Am Extroverted, Why Does That Matter?

Dear Dr. Buckingham, My fiancé and I recently had a pre-marital coaching session. During the session I mentioned that my fiancé and I experience the world differently. He is introverted and I am extroverted. I get energized from social interaction and being out and about. Also, I love to have intense conversations on a regular Keep Reading →